I'll admit I did find the first ten or fifteen minutes of Juno really annoying, only because of the forced, 'hip' dialogue that even people like the old dad or the store clerk spouted as if read from a cue card. This continued through the course of the movie but to a much lesser extent so that it didn't intrude on the overall quality of the film. Now, I won't say anything bad about Diablo Cody's screenwriting skills, as I am aspiring to dabble in a bit of that myself. What I will do however, is leave you with a few lines of dialogue taken from her sophomore effort, 'Jennifer and the Body'
To put it in context a little, it's basically about a girl that gets possessed by demonic forces and starts 'offing' all the jocks at her local high school. At least that's what I've heard, it's well wacky.
“Do you see anyone rollin’ on dubs around here?”
“Never Trevor. I’m hot like magma.”
“You’re totally jello! You’re lime green jello and you can’t even admit it.”
“You seem like you might be pluggin’.”
“Slow down tardy slip. You sound like a sped.”
“You said to leave. So I’m outtie-5000.”
“I’m a hard-assed, Ford-tough mama bear. It’s like, don’t y’all touch my daughter. I’ll piss on you like Calvin.”
“I’ll get him myself! I will! You hear me, you bastard? I’ll cut off your nutsack and nail it to my door! Like one of those lion doorknockers rich folks got! That’ll be your balls!”
“Fried bologna is the bomb!”
Ok, I'll admit, I'm very angry.
Tuesday 26 February 2008
Friday 22 February 2008
Pre-Oscars: Coulda 'n' Shoulda
| The 80th Annual Academy Awards take place this Sunday, a time for the Hollywood lot to don their best frocks and give one another congratulatory handjobs. The writer's strike ended almost two weeks ago and since then, some poor fools have been slaving away at an attempt to bring the lulz to Sunday's ceremony. We need the lulz...our 5 nominations for best picture include a romantic tragedy, a depressing law thriller, a teen pregnancy crisis, an oilman's mental torture, and a mournful reflection of our once-elegant-world-now-turned-playground-for-Javier Bardem. Though funnily enough, this is the most pleased I've been with the picks for a good long time now. Bleak is the new black. Best Picture Atonement Juno Michael Clayton No Country For Old Men There Will Be Blood I'm honestly surprised to find Michael Clayton amongst this lot. I'd always wanted to check it out when it hit cinemas back in October, but I never got the chance as it only stuck around for a week. I managed to watch a rental copy of it tonight and I've gotta say, it's quite fantastic. Best Picture material? I can think of some better ones this year, but if Juno's in here, then Clayton definitely deserves a spot. Which brings me onto Juno. While I did, for the most part, get swept up in Juno's saga of being "fo shiz up the spout", some small niggling flaws, and the fact that it just isn't that awesome prevent it from being Best Picture in my eyes. Gone Baby Gone, Zodiac or Jesse James could have easily taken this spot, but I understand that with the sheer amount of depressing films plaguing the awards this year, Juno was a welcome, jovial insertion. As long as it doesn't win, I smile. Atonement possesses a remarkable story pieced together with Joe Wright's assured technical vision. It's a step up from Juno, but it still doesn't touch the league that No Country and TWBB rest in. As fond as I am of Atonement, you have to admit, it is quite self-indulgent. No Country For Old Men on the other hand, is technically masterful without being too loud about it, each scene crafted expertly by cinematographer Roger Deakins as part of a collection of qualities that lift the film above its company in this category; the performances by all three leading actors, the direction and lack of sound effective in building tension in what is ostensibly a chase movie, but at its core a moral tale to analyse over and over. God knows I have. I fully expect No Country to win, but one mustn't forget the praise heaped on Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood, the tale of an oil man by the name of Daniel Plainview, played by none other than the Mac Daddy Daniel Day Lewis to the point of possession, rather than just mere lines from a script. No Country is built upon a continuous external struggle shared between its cast of charactes, whereas Blood operates a conflict on the surface far, far superseded by that which is internal and fit to burst. Both films succeed incredibly well in their vision, and I can honestly say that they are truly in a league of their own here. There is no question, no doubt in my mind that either of these two deserve the Best Picture Oscar. Hell, I want them to share it. But there can only be one winner and I honestly don't mind which one - as long as they split evenly the rest of the Oscars, can't have one film hogging 'em all =) Could Win: No Country For Old Men Should Win: No Country For Old Men or There Will Be Blood Best Director Paul Thomas Anderson (There Will Be Blood) Joel Coen and Ethan Coen (No Country For Old Men) Tony Gilroy (Michael Clayton) Jason Reitman (Juno) Julian Schnabel (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly) I have unfortunately yet to see The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. I should have seen it this week, but people seem to have a general fear of films that either contain subtitles, or don't have a car chase. Other than that, this is almost the same as the Best Picture category, and again I have to give this one to either No Country or Blood. I'm sorry if that sounds predictable, but the Coens have been at this for well over 20 years and are showing no signs of slowing down. Likewise, Paul Thomas Anderson is still going strong, still in his mid-30s may I add, and Blood signifies a new sense of maturity in his filmmaking. I can only hope he continues to make features with such integrity as this, and I'm confident he will. Juno's direction didn't stand out as anything special to me, so this nomination is quite puzzling. I won't argue against the nomination of Clayton however - as a directorial debut for successful screenwriter Gilroy, there were little to no missteps in what turned out to be a persuasive and suspenseful crime thriller. I'd be chuffed with a nomination if I was Gilroy, and fortunate to lose to talents such as the Coens or Anderson. Could win: Coen Brothers or Paul Thomas Anderson Should win: Paul Thomas Anderson Best Actor George Clooney (Michael Clayton) Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will Be Blood) Johnny Depp (Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street) Tommy Lee Jones (In The Valley of Elah) Viggo Mortensen (Eastern Promises) Are you kidding me? This doesn't even require a write-up, but, no disrespect to the fellow nominees of course. Could win...will win...and definitely deserves to win for the best American performance I've seen in years: Daniel Day-Lewis Best Actress Cate Blanchett (Elizabeth: The Golden Age) Julie Christie (Away From Her) Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose (La mome)) Laura Linney (The Savages) Ellen Page (Juno) Ah, my least informed category, of which I have only seen one film. Guess it? That's right, Juno. I have no desire to see Elizabeth: The Golden Age, but I do very much want to see the other three. In fact, I came close to seeing The Savages but it decided to last a singular week in my local indy cinema. I'll give a nod to Ellen Page and admit that she won me over almost right away, but judging from the awards shows and press that have gone down so far, I'm gonna take a sly guess at who I think will take this... Could win: Marion Cotillard Should win: YA MAM Best Supporting Actor Casey Affleck (The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford) Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men) Philip Seymour Hoffman (Charlie Wilson's War) Hal Holbrook (Into The Wild) Tom Wilkinson (Michael Clayton) Holy maccaroni! This is my most difficult category so far. Damn. They're all actually really good. Hal Holbrook was one of the only decent things about the dreadfully dismal Into The Wild, but I'd probably eliminate him first, as he didn't leave quite the impression on me that the rest of them did. But man, the tear that ran down his face! Ah fuck it Ed, kick that old man out. So we're left with four. Tom Wilkinson was utterly convincing as Arthur Edens, losing his grip on reality through either inane ramblings or hints at a truth unbeknownst to many. Again, a great performance, but compared to the others, it loses out. Eliminated. Philip Seymour Hoffman was, let's face it, one of the only good things about Charlie Wilson's War. Hell, he was even better than Tom Hanks. Every scene he featured in brought comic relief in an otherwise tonally confused funny little thing of a movie. However, it is weaker than the other two remaining films, and Hoffman has had better roles in 2007 (Before The Devi Knows You're Dead), so he's outta this one. Which leaves us with Bardem and Affleck. Bardem's portrayal of a cold-blooded killer will possibly send Anton Chigurh down in history as one of the most memorable movie villains, along with greats such as Hannibal Lecter and Norman Bates. However, I'm kicking him from this one. Sorry, Bardem. Little Affleck is starting out and could use a boost, plus Jesse James has overall been horrifically overlooked in the grand scheme of the nomination process. He proved to be a capable leading actor in Gone Baby Gone, and here he plays a naive yet potentially threatening young cowboy with 110% of his ability. Go, Casey! Could win: Javier Bardem Should win: Casey Affleck Best Supporting Actress Cate Blanchett (I'm Not There) Ruby Dee (American Gangster) Saoirse Ronan (Atonement) Amy Ryan (Gone Baby Gone) Tilda Swinton (Michael Clayton) I haven't seen I'm Not There yet (sue me), Ronan was decent...and Ruby Dee shouldn't even have a nomination. With those three put to the side, I'd be obliged to pick Tilda Swinton, but Amy Ryan was just as good, if not better, and hell, Gone Baby Gone needs a little more representation at this here ceremony. Could win: Cate Blanchett Should win: Cate Blanchett...but I wouldn't know, would I? Those are the main ones, so I'll leave you with some small thoughts on the remaining categories. Best Original Screenplay Could win: Fucking Juno... Should win: Michael Clayton or Ratatouille! Best Adapted Screenplay Could win: No Country For Old Men Should win: No Country For Old Men (hey, it stuck with the original message and ran with it well) Best Animated Feature Could win: Ratatouille Should win: Ratatouille Aaaand, The Simpsons Movie doesn't even have a nomination! Why's that? Cause it's fucking terrible, that's why. I'm bored and it's almost 4am (oh for fuck's...), so I'll leave it at that, with one last mention that Roger Deakins should win for Best Cinematography, preferably for the film that has 2 nominations, and not the other one that currently hogs about 8. I'll see you after the Oscars ;) |
Thursday 14 February 2008
Watch These, Yeah
It's Valentine's Night, or at least was over two hours ago, and I spent it eating a pizza I didn't want, which I bought only to get enough change to do my washing. Everyone else was at Tiger Tiger but I'd left it too late to get tickets.
But there's no point in writing about stuff like that! It all leads up to my boredom, which leads me to here, distracted from work and posting nonsensical shtick on me blog. I'm checking out this week's film releases; there's crap and godliness all out at the same time. I'll sort 'em.
All The Boys Love Mandy Lane - Eesh, this looks well tedious. Sexy teens go on sexy holiday and get sexually murdered by some sex-obsessed sex-starved sex killer. Probably. AVOID.
Alvin And The Chipmunks - Hmm. It's got one showing in the morning, so it's evil cannot reach far enough to corrupt our fragile little minds. Word to ya: the opening scene features three chipmunks singing Daniel Powter's "Bad Day." Oh man... AVOID.
Cloverfield - I call this one average, and I've found that there can be no definitive judgement when it comes down to ratings. Cloverfield needs to be looked at subjectively: do you marvel at the intense trickery, or do you view it as same-old dressed up disaster pants, or do you vomit absolutely everywhere at the sight of the super-shaky-cam? I'm all three, but where would you stand? Only one way to find out: CHECK IT.
Definitely, Maybe - This one has Ryan Reynolds in, who despite me hating his bastard guts in Blade: Trinity, has done little to anger me since. I've heard (and observed an 88% rating on RT), that this is actually superior to your average by-the-numbers romantic comedy. On top of that, it's got not one, not two, but three lovely ladies vying for lucky Ryan's attention, and one of those girls is Isla Fishcer. Ohhh yeah. I wouldn't pay to see it, but if this sort of thing is your cup of tea, then I don't think you can go wrong. It's the lesser evil. CHECK IT.
Jumper - I've had it in for this one. Hayden Christensen is a terrible actor, a black hole of charisma somehow finding his way into the leading roles of many a sci-fi franchise. He can't carry this one, or change my mind on it. I've already seen negative reviews, and to call them negative is an understatement. I called it. AVOID.
Juno - This film is not focussed on the relationship between Ellen Page and Michael Cera. If you go into it thinking that is, you will be disappointed. This is about the ordeal of Juno's pregnancy, learning who's prepared for the eventuality, and who is on her side. The dialogue can get annoying, especially towards the beginning, but on the whole it's a heartwarming and highly recommended anti-chick flick. CHECK IT.
National Treasure: The Book of Secrets - Indiana Jones is out this May, I'd save my pennies for that if I were you. Nicolas Cage and Harrison Ford are both aging, but only one of them still has a half-respectable haircut. Cage, you look like freakin' Gene Wilder! At this point, I've come to realise that Nicolas Cage is utterly incapable of selecting interesting scripts. Boo! AVOID.
No Country For Old Men - One of the best of 2007, and one of the Coens' best films. Is it better than Fargo? See for yourself, I'm still undecided. But it's damn good, there isn't a wrong scene and the tension is built perfectly without the use of music, centred around three separate protagonists that even on their own could carry the entire film on their shoulders. A masterwork. GO SEE.
Over Her Dead Body - See, if you're taking the missus out, chances are you're under her wicked spell and have a choice between this stinky rom-com, Definitely, Maybe and Juno. By all means, go for Juno, and if the screening room has somehow burnt to the ground, then go for Definitely, Maybe in second place. Do not submit yourself to this, you'll have nothing to discuss afterwards. AVOID.
Penelope - What the hell is this? Christina Ricci...with a pig face? Erm, AVOID.
Sweeney Todd - This is a highly enjoyable film, and if anyone (anyone??) is reading this, chances are they bum both Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, because that seems to be all the rage these days. Well, here they are in all their glory, or gory. It's a fantastic film and one of the best out at the moment, however, it still ain't no Ed Wood! Still, GO SEE.
The Bucket List - Very schmaltzy. I found it impossible to like the characters, the premise...hell, it wasn't even funny, and apparently it's being billed as a comedy. No way. AVOID.
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - It's gained its maker a Best Director Oscar nomination, and I've caught this allegedly very moving foreign film at the top of many people's Best of 2007 lists. I'm gonna make it my mission to catch this before it leaves the cinema, and everyone else should too, if only to take money away from shitfests like The Bucket List. GO SEE.
The Water Horse - Does anyone care if this is actually good? There's a ton of much more important movies out in the same week, and we're supposed to give two flying crapolas about this heap a junk. Nuh uh. AVOID.
There Will Be Blood - I had a min-spasm when I read a 5 star review for this the other day. I'm just really, really excited. And I've waited way too long after its intial US Boxing Day release to be fucked over by Vue cinemas pushing its nationwide release from 8 Feb to 15 Feb. Paul Thomas Anderson is one of my favourite directors all of time, but you'll know by now that Daniel-Day Lewis completely owns this film with his performance. Every broadsheet in the UK has given it 5 stars (yes, even the 1 star-loving Independent). It's been widely touted as an American masterpiece. It's been compared to The Godfather and Citizen Kane. It's been dubbed the best film of the decade. Needless to freakin' say... GO SEE.
Nice waste of 40 minutes. I'll need to post some other topics up in the near future...
Holiday Pics
Cribs Pics/Videos
Oscar Predictions
2007 Top Movies List
2008 Most Anticipated Movies
But there's no point in writing about stuff like that! It all leads up to my boredom, which leads me to here, distracted from work and posting nonsensical shtick on me blog. I'm checking out this week's film releases; there's crap and godliness all out at the same time. I'll sort 'em.
All The Boys Love Mandy Lane - Eesh, this looks well tedious. Sexy teens go on sexy holiday and get sexually murdered by some sex-obsessed sex-starved sex killer. Probably. AVOID.
Alvin And The Chipmunks - Hmm. It's got one showing in the morning, so it's evil cannot reach far enough to corrupt our fragile little minds. Word to ya: the opening scene features three chipmunks singing Daniel Powter's "Bad Day." Oh man... AVOID.
Cloverfield - I call this one average, and I've found that there can be no definitive judgement when it comes down to ratings. Cloverfield needs to be looked at subjectively: do you marvel at the intense trickery, or do you view it as same-old dressed up disaster pants, or do you vomit absolutely everywhere at the sight of the super-shaky-cam? I'm all three, but where would you stand? Only one way to find out: CHECK IT.
Definitely, Maybe - This one has Ryan Reynolds in, who despite me hating his bastard guts in Blade: Trinity, has done little to anger me since. I've heard (and observed an 88% rating on RT), that this is actually superior to your average by-the-numbers romantic comedy. On top of that, it's got not one, not two, but three lovely ladies vying for lucky Ryan's attention, and one of those girls is Isla Fishcer. Ohhh yeah. I wouldn't pay to see it, but if this sort of thing is your cup of tea, then I don't think you can go wrong. It's the lesser evil. CHECK IT.
Jumper - I've had it in for this one. Hayden Christensen is a terrible actor, a black hole of charisma somehow finding his way into the leading roles of many a sci-fi franchise. He can't carry this one, or change my mind on it. I've already seen negative reviews, and to call them negative is an understatement. I called it. AVOID.
Juno - This film is not focussed on the relationship between Ellen Page and Michael Cera. If you go into it thinking that is, you will be disappointed. This is about the ordeal of Juno's pregnancy, learning who's prepared for the eventuality, and who is on her side. The dialogue can get annoying, especially towards the beginning, but on the whole it's a heartwarming and highly recommended anti-chick flick. CHECK IT.
National Treasure: The Book of Secrets - Indiana Jones is out this May, I'd save my pennies for that if I were you. Nicolas Cage and Harrison Ford are both aging, but only one of them still has a half-respectable haircut. Cage, you look like freakin' Gene Wilder! At this point, I've come to realise that Nicolas Cage is utterly incapable of selecting interesting scripts. Boo! AVOID.
No Country For Old Men - One of the best of 2007, and one of the Coens' best films. Is it better than Fargo? See for yourself, I'm still undecided. But it's damn good, there isn't a wrong scene and the tension is built perfectly without the use of music, centred around three separate protagonists that even on their own could carry the entire film on their shoulders. A masterwork. GO SEE.
Over Her Dead Body - See, if you're taking the missus out, chances are you're under her wicked spell and have a choice between this stinky rom-com, Definitely, Maybe and Juno. By all means, go for Juno, and if the screening room has somehow burnt to the ground, then go for Definitely, Maybe in second place. Do not submit yourself to this, you'll have nothing to discuss afterwards. AVOID.
Penelope - What the hell is this? Christina Ricci...with a pig face? Erm, AVOID.
Sweeney Todd - This is a highly enjoyable film, and if anyone (anyone??) is reading this, chances are they bum both Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, because that seems to be all the rage these days. Well, here they are in all their glory, or gory. It's a fantastic film and one of the best out at the moment, however, it still ain't no Ed Wood! Still, GO SEE.
The Bucket List - Very schmaltzy. I found it impossible to like the characters, the premise...hell, it wasn't even funny, and apparently it's being billed as a comedy. No way. AVOID.
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - It's gained its maker a Best Director Oscar nomination, and I've caught this allegedly very moving foreign film at the top of many people's Best of 2007 lists. I'm gonna make it my mission to catch this before it leaves the cinema, and everyone else should too, if only to take money away from shitfests like The Bucket List. GO SEE.
The Water Horse - Does anyone care if this is actually good? There's a ton of much more important movies out in the same week, and we're supposed to give two flying crapolas about this heap a junk. Nuh uh. AVOID.
There Will Be Blood - I had a min-spasm when I read a 5 star review for this the other day. I'm just really, really excited. And I've waited way too long after its intial US Boxing Day release to be fucked over by Vue cinemas pushing its nationwide release from 8 Feb to 15 Feb. Paul Thomas Anderson is one of my favourite directors all of time, but you'll know by now that Daniel-Day Lewis completely owns this film with his performance. Every broadsheet in the UK has given it 5 stars (yes, even the 1 star-loving Independent). It's been widely touted as an American masterpiece. It's been compared to The Godfather and Citizen Kane. It's been dubbed the best film of the decade. Needless to freakin' say... GO SEE.
Nice waste of 40 minutes. I'll need to post some other topics up in the near future...
Holiday Pics
Cribs Pics/Videos
Oscar Predictions
2007 Top Movies List
2008 Most Anticipated Movies
Wednesday 13 February 2008
Bloggy Goodness
Two post in two days! Ok, among other subjects such as music, holidays, uni and lulz, I may as well shift my movie thoughts over to here from Facebook. Why do I single out movies? Fact is, I don't like the five star system over on Facebook, it's a bit screwy. With a rating score out of 10, I can work with decimal points, and differentiate one movie from the next. So, for example, The Bucket List I'd give a 5.5, but on Facebook I wouldn't know whether to stick it down as 2 1/2 stars, or 3 stars. Oh, how these dilemmas take over my life. Here's my rating system.
10 ~ Classic
9 ~ Excellent
8 ~ Grreat
7 ~ Good
6 ~ Above Average
5 ~ Mediocre
4 ~ Flawmania
3 ~ Sour =(
2 ~ Awful
1 ~ Pathetic
0 ~ Epic Movie
10 ~ Classic
9 ~ Excellent
8 ~ Grreat
7 ~ Good
6 ~ Above Average
5 ~ Mediocre
4 ~ Flawmania
3 ~ Sour =(
2 ~ Awful
1 ~ Pathetic
0 ~ Epic Movie
Tuesday 12 February 2008
New Blog Innit
I was looking over an old blog of mine the other day, from around three to four years ago, and I found it really quite comical. I got a lot of genuine LOLz out of some of the things I said about girls, school, money etc. Of course, most of it is cringeworthy, so I'm now inclined to start one over, because I feel a couple of things around this period of time deserve to be documented. If you give the slightest damn what I have to say from here on in, keep checking this space regularly, because I should be updating it as frequently as I brush my teeth.
There'll be no whining about girls, or saying how 'things ain't fair.' Nah, this blog is gonna be full of cynicism, dry wit and the odd sprinkle of evil. Awww yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There'll be no whining about girls, or saying how 'things ain't fair.' Nah, this blog is gonna be full of cynicism, dry wit and the odd sprinkle of evil. Awww yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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